Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether or not they actually deserve your forgiveness.

Toxic forgiveness is when you attempt to forgive someone when you still have painful hurt or haven’t gotten 100 percent closure concerning the situation. This can cause trauma or erode your mental health. A person needs to understand that unconditional forgiveness from the heart comes only from the Lord. He gives us the strength and peace to forgive.

Looking back after all these years, Johnny says, “This was the turning point for me to want to live again. I was starting to believe 100 percent in God and find forgiveness in my heart for the man who took my son’s life. I was starting to find some inner peace where I felt calm again.”

Debbie quietly mentions, “This type of workshop was very helpful in putting us back on our feet again. Just being able to talk with others who had been through a tragedy connected us together in a way only God can do. We finally started to grab hold of the hope that we would survive this difficult time. It was a lifesaver.”

When you lose a child, you are part of a club you never want to join, but Romans 8:28 states, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” (nkjv). God allows us to comfort others with the same comfort we have received from Him. As time passes, we will see flashes of God’s purpose.

(Excerpt from book: “Forgiving the Killer while grieving Uriah”, by Susan Free.)